Some days, when I look in the mirror, I don’t recognize my body.
I think I’ve gained weight. I don’t actually know because I don’t weigh myself.
But as I pull my pants up and check my reflection, I am surprised to notice how my flesh spills to the side.
I know my face has gotten older.
The wrinkles on the left side of my cheek (the side I slept on for years) look like deep crevices under the glare of the sun streaming through the window.
I took a picture of my heart-of-gold necklace the other day to show a friend, and I noticed sagginess of my chin and my neck!! Oh my!
Everything is droopier. The flesh under my arms. My backside.
Even my knees.
And yet, the amazing thing is, I don’t care.
What I care about is that I feel better in my skin than ever.
I know I am so lucky to have such a healthy body, especially after so many years of abuse with my eating disorder.
I am stronger than ever. I can hike for hours, lift heavy weights, carry my grandchildren.
I have more energy than I can remember. And that energy feels good and sustainable, not up and down the way it used to be.
I live my life more inspired than ever, and I know that a part of this gift is due to my capacity to now BE in my body after years of trying to run the hell away from it because of all the trauma it held for me.
And when I compare to how I used to feel when I spent endless hours worrying about my weight and doing all the “things” I used to do to try to be thin, the old way doesn’t stand a chance.
And so I welcome and accept this aging, wise, string beautiful body.
And so here’s to wrinkles, to droopiness, and to muffin tops. I welcome and accept my aging, wise, strong beautiful body and celebrate it every day.
What about you? What’s your relationship to your (aging) body?
I’m a healer, teacher, and licensed therapist sharing tools to help you relieve stress and restore well-being.